Grieving ~ slowly putting one foot in front of the other...

Taking things slow...
from minute to minute
as the clock ticks and they turn into hours

Losing Mom, has so far, been the most painful thing I have ever experienced.
It has only a few days since she passed,
but I can already tell that this is a major life altering event,
so significant,
that it is difficult to put into words.

Tears fall freely
there's a lump in my throat that does not seem to go away...

I've been eating comfort food, drinking gin and tonics

and have stopped counting WW points.

I have considered not getting dressed and staying my pj's all day...

But instead, I get up have a cafe creme

hop in the shower

put on my make up

and

head over to Mom's condo to sort through her things.

there is some comfort in action and busyness

to be in Mom's condo 

surrounded by her things 

feels like home

but when I look toward her chair 

she is not there...

my heart aches

deeply

I notice that the garden is awakening from its winter slumber

right on cue as it does every year at this time.

The snowdrops are blooming.

Sunny yellow daffodils

Moistened by the rain

Nature reminds me of the cycles of life

beginnings

endings

Life goes on...

as surely as the spring bulbs open

the 

flowers appear

taking each day

each minute

to pause

reflect

thinking of Mom

and all she has done

to make our lives so special

her strength, wisdom, kindness and grace

will help guide me

as I walk along this painful path of grief

in her honour

I will put one foot in front of the other

move forward

slowly

one step at a time.

I found this card in mothers desk drawer...

She kept this card

 there were no others...

I wept when I opened the card

with tears rolling down my cheeks

 a moment in the silence

grieving

alone

this card is one of the treasures that I will keep 

the message so close to my heart 

in memory 

of my wonderful mom

Thank you for all your comments on the previous post.

I am overwhelmed by your kind and supportive thoughts

they mean a lot 

especially at a time like this...

Saying goodbye...

It has been a difficult two weeks...

Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer 

which had metastasized into her lymphatic system.

She went down hill pretty fast.

 My sister and I took care of her in her home 

until we could no longer provide the comfort that she required 

We had her moved into Hospice where she got excellent care 

from a staff that specialize in end of life treatment.

It has been a very emotionally charged time for all of our family.

I had to dig very deep to find strength and energy...

On the wall in mom's room at Hospice

an inspiring reminder...

Yesterday, 

on my 62nd birthday

 Mom slipped away...

She died with dignity

and is now free from pain and suffering.

She leaves a huge hole in our lives and will be missed...

French themed goodies starting with My Stylish French Box...

Paris and the quaint villages of southern France have a powerful hold on me...
I have so many fabulous memories from my trip.

When life gets rocky I try to be proactive and balance the stress with some self care "tools" that I have practised over the years...
one of which is to reflect on better days,
focusing on the sweet snippets and highlights from happier days.

My travel photos instantly transport me back to those idyllic weeks in France.
Blogs also help to keep me connected...

Sharon Santoni's lovely blog French Country Home  has been one of my favourites for many years. When Sharon announced that she was writing a book I ordered mine before it had been printed...
Recently I learned that she was offering a box of carefully curated French items and I ordered my subscription as soon as I heard that she would deliver to Canada.

My Stylish French Box arrived this week and it was the highlight of my day.
The packaging is exquisite and each item is carefully wrapped...

I carefully and slowly unwrapped each item...and kept saying to my husband how excited I felt...

everything is so beautiful.

satin ribbon bow

tissue

hand printed tags

I love the extra touches that Sharon has put into the presentation of the box.

Fragonard soaps

(I went to the Fragonard museum when I was in Paris.)

a lovely hand made porcelain cup

which Mr. HB suggested that I could use for my morning espresso

Cire Trudon candle

There were other delightful treasures...

a journal, book, pencils, antique glasses and a small soap

These treats could not have come at a better time.

 I have been very busy

 helping Mother navigate her journey with terminal cancer.

Her diagnosis was recent and came as a shock to us all.

Mom had breast cancer 10 years ago in the same area where this lung cancer has presented itself and it has spread to her lymph system and she has pain.

I have cancelled all my commitments for the time being as I want to spend my time with her...

My sister and I received a bit of respite this weekend for the overnights which is a blessing as listening for her call and waking her for her pain meds every 4 hours does not make for a restful night.

Its such an emotional experience 

my heart goes out to those of you who have traveled this path before...

I have a whole new respect for caregivers

I will try and post again in a few days as I do love writing this blog.

Hellebore in a hand picked garden grown bouquet that my BFF brought to Mom.

Friends and Family have been super supportive 

I am so grateful...

THANK YOU ALL!

~ Be Well and Be Kind ~

Thoughts on Mom and a peek inside the closet...

I started writing this post before I found out that Mother had cancer and I am immersed in her care giving with little time for anything else...

 a little window of opportunity and escape presented itself this morning 

so I took the opportunity to edit and share it with you today.

My days are filled with ups and downs

oodles of tears

interspersed with laughter

as

Mother is telling me stories of her childhood 

her life as a nursing student at the Catholic Hospital

snippets of trips that she took with my Father

she is sharing a side of herself that she has never before revealed

it is quite a gift

and I am so grateful for this opportunity

to be at her side.

Despite her pain we find ourselves laughing

and there is a lot of hand holding

as we sip

many cups of tea throughout the day

I knit to keep my hands busy while she sleeps...

there in the silence

 memories and thoughts bubble up

there is a huge lump in my throat

and the realization that Mom is on her way...

she is calling the shots and is very much in control of her demise...

Mom has 4 closets full of beautiful clothes...

she loves fashion and has always been a stylish dresser.

Here is our

Teeny tiny closet

workout wear is interspersed with everyday basics.

After posting about Tees,

 I received several emails from readers who wanted to see more posts on clothes and my wardrobe.

I pine for a better, more organized closet and fortunately it is in the plans.

Just when it will happen

I am not sure,

when we redecorate our bedroom 

the closet will be completely redesigned.

Basic Winter Everyday Wardrobe

(does not include evening or special occasion attire)

Two shirts

crisp white shirt by Northern Reflections 

blue Tencel Nine West

2 skirts

black M.I.K.O knit 

grey Kenar boiled wool 

I wear skirts a lot more after I bought the new thicker Hue tights.

Part Two simple black wool sweater 

Bamboo dress Blue Sky 

which can also be worn with footless tights

3 tops

black and white patterns and stripes

Bianca Nygard V neck asymmetrical pattern 

Lands End tunic top 

Betty Barclay stripe 

black Style and Co. top 

these pants look dreadful 

hanging here 

 they look much better on

grey knit pants 

black knit pants 

vintage leather vest 

black cut velvet Nygard pants 

You can see that the basics are covered

black and grey items make up the bulk of my Fall and Winter wardrobe.

Most garments are separates and are worn with many other pieces.

I don't "need" more clothing...

I replace garments when they are worn out, which is usually very few years.

When one has fewer items in rotation the clothes actually do wear out.

Washing garments inside out on the gentle cycle, 

then carefully hanging them to dry does prolong their life.

What colours do you like to wear?

Is your wardrobe big or small?

I will not have time to respond to all your comments 

but I will read each and every one.

Thank you for stopping by The Humble Bungalow Blog.

~ Be Well and Be Kind ~

Mid February and it's Friday...

Life has been a bit of a roller coaster this week 

and there's more on the way so I am going to fasten my seat belt and try to navigate the days ahead with grace.

Carnations for Mom who has recently been diagnosed with cancer.

Our views have been rather sterile...

I am grateful for family and friends...

Whose love and support sustain us during tough times. 

Looking for the beauty in my daily round has never been more important.

It helps me put things in perspective...

The guest room and a wee antique Herend vessel.

Chester is up to his usual tricks.

Oak tree bark in Oak Bay

Acorn sculpture in the Oak Bay municipal yard.

The view from here...

Humble Bungalow dining room.

Roycroft hand hammered arts and crafts candlesticks

melted beeswax candles.

I love the scent of beeswax candles when they are burning.

I'll be posting snippets when I have the time 

 my time and energy 

right now is focused on Mom.

I may not have the time to respond to comments but be assured that I will read them all.

Thank you again for you for stopping by The Humble Bungalow.

~ Be Well and Be Kind ~